More from dss

I received a second email from dss. It is posted below. With her permission, I posted an edited email from dss previously.

The edits were to obfuscate her true identity. At her request, I am reposting unedited versions. Enjoy. More to come.

The Making of a Whore

B,

Back on my own boat I sat and cried. What had just happen, what had I just done? The question that was bothering me the most was what had I just found out about myself. My ass was sore and bruised and for the next several days it would remind me of what I did do. Some how I was able to pull it together and get thought the rest of the day without letting my family know anything.

Of course my husband had invited Kevin and Jeff over for cocktails and snacks like we had done the two days before. It was clear Kevin had told Jeff about what had happen. I had a hard time looking both of them in the eyes. I felt so guilty. Before leaving Kevin found a moment to ask to me to make time to come see him and Jeff the next afternoon. Kevin now had no reservations about grabbing my breasts or patting my ass.

That night I remember giving my husband a blow job. It was done more out of guilt than love. I also convinced him we should leave the next day and we did.

That was how I spent the 4th of July that year. My ass stayed sore for the better part of a week. It was a reminder of what had happen. In many ways I was running emotionally away from that experience. It wasn't until the first week in August when the phone rang when all this came crashing back. Picking up our home phone one morning, I heard Kevin's voice on the other end. My husband had given them our number.

Over the next seven months through phone calls and emails Kevin got me to open up to him about my sexual feelings, fantasies, and desires. He got me to understand that the feeling I had and how I reacted to what happen were very normal and not some deranged persons feelings. He had me open up a PO box and little gifts, including copies of the magazine I had seen, would arrive. To this day my husband does not know any of this. In fact for him, Kevin and Jeff were never heard from again.

I knew they both worked in the city as bankers or hedge fund people. At the time I didn't realize it but the only way I would contact him was by email. Yet he knew my phone number as well as where I lived. Kevin also had a way of getting information out of me and then using it to his advantage. I have relived this so many times in my head over the years. And I realize how good he was at this game we play.

One of the things that I had given up over the months was what I thought at the time was an innocent statement about being a prosecute. It was a statement about separating love and sex and that I thought money made it easier. It was the whole men find it easier to separate sex and love than women do argument.

I also had told him that every year during February break my husband would take the kids to see his parents in Florida. Well now things come around to bite me. One morning I get a call from Kevin. He tells me he has a proposition for me. He will give me $500 to come to New York to see him and he would make all the travel arrangements. Joking around with him I said no and he comes back with how much would it take. And I blurt out 700. Deal he says. Now I am like, are you serious, he was. I protest, I can't come to New York, fine we will come to you. That is how the following events happen on a Saturday night in the week of February.

In the two weeks leading up to the date money arrives in the PO box. I am to buy a dress, shoes, and new panties. The dress was to have a button down front and be a fine quality. The shoes were to be comfortable heels. The panties french cut black. That was all I was to wear, except an outer coat. No jewelry, including my wedding ring.

That morning I dropped my family at the airport and drove home. I was in some zombie zone. Most recently I saw a TV program called "Locked up abroad" where they reenact people getting arrested and thrown in jail in other countries. A large part of the program is spent on the day of the incident and how the people talk about how they didn't really think this was happening. As I watched the show, I was shocked into recalling that Saturday and how I felt all during it.

This is getting way too long. While it feels good to write it all down and over the years I have come to grips with this, it is too late and I don't need to be rising any suspicions from my husband. Plus I am tired and don't even think I will proof read this and just let it be the stream of conscientious that it was.

dss

As a teaser as I think they call it...I also find out there will be a third man there that night.