Back to J

The proverbial silence sets in.

J starts to giggle and then looking at her girlfriend slurs a loud wet: "SHHHHHHH! Leave him alone girlfriend!"

Looking back to me J says: "You know cuz I told you, more than two ounces of hard liquor and I get drunk. I am drunk!" With that she reachs across the table and takes both of my hands in hers. She flips my hands over and starts to caress the the life line, the heart line and the other lines in my palms.

Her partner stared at me.

"Look," I said: "I'm here because I was told there would not be a problem. J indicated that you needed help, mentoring, in providing you some practical experience in trying to dominant her. Giving her what you're inexperienced in to strengthen your relationship. I'm not here to be her lover, be a threat to you or act as your rival. I told J upfront that those were the ground rules and if you both are not in agreement I'll be happy to leave." Her shoulders and her stare softened.

"I don't understand why she wants this...I don't understand why I can't do what she wants. We start out ok but I just can't cause her pain. As soon as I do, I back off and we wind up fighting."

"That's not necessarily your failure. Not every person wants to submit. Those that do, do so for different reasons. For some it is a process of catharsis-emotional-psychological or both. For others it is simply an endorphin rush-the runner's high without the mileage required. For still others, it is the intensity and others sexual release. I'm not a psychiatrist and can't pretend to give you a logic base that ties it all up neatly. The corollary is also true, not everyone can be a dominant. Case in point being you and quite likely most other people in this room. Let me tell you this, I don't even have a working knowledge of why you're a lesbian. Can you tell me why?"

She starts to form a response.

"The why is not important. You prefer the company of women. You dislike the company of men. It is something in your genes. You always knew you were different in a het world and find acceptance in lesbian environment. Your chromosome count. The reasons can be endless. What is important is that you be free to fulfill your needs and be accepted. J is looking for the same thing-fulfillment and acceptance. We don't always need to understand everything. And looking from the outside in, the voyeur needs to know why. I don't need to know why or what it is that makes you a lesbian as basis to accept you and your desires. I accept you as you are without needing to justify the reasons internally or trying to either cure you or save you from yourself."

"I'm bored J" declares and moves around the table to sit next me.