"Are you wet V?"

"God yes!"

"Hold that thought," I laugh. "I have more in the gear bag. A black leather hood that encases the entire head. The fur lined blindfold attaches with velcro. I also have a a variety of gags that also attach-O rings-penis gags and even an inflatable gag for when I'm not using your mouth for my pleasure."

"How do I breath B?"

"There are nostril holes and a mouth hole for breathing. There is a wide leather collar at the bottom and the hood locks on. Once you're in it, it can only be removed with a key to the lock. I generally use ear plugs as well. It heightens the isolation and intensity of all the tactile stimulations. The blackness and the silence drive you deep into your emotions-your isolation and the experience of the pain and pleasure of the scene. The hood also serves to de-personalize you-it makes you almost a blank canvas-not a person but a body for me to play and pleasure and create an individualized tableau of sounds, sensations and at times a mark or two. It is a wonderous thing. Every bottom I've known would rather be whipped with a single tail then first put on the hood. It begins every scene and putting it on is the supreme moment of submission."

It amazes me that bottoms that I have only talked to but never met will place themselves in such a position of vulnerability. The paradigm is based upon total trust and while we have always talked at length, at times even completed and reviewed questionnaires, it is nonetheless a first meeting, in private and with the bottom in a place of total helplessness. The scenes always take place in a private home where the women lives alone or in a hotel or motel where I can arrange for the rental and monitor her arrival to insure that she's alone. Part of what a bottoms seeks when they enter into a relationship with a top is not just the authority figure but also a structured relationship that is based upon control by the top. Yea ok! You reader are not doubt thinking well sure B but why state the obvious. Well it may be obvious to you and to me, but these first time bottoms haven't even given thought to the concept. Things like collars and and cuff and ankle restraints are the physical manifestations of the paradigm of control but this first encounter establishes the top's control without those physical manifestations.

The First Scene

I tell V the first scene always begins the same. I enter through a door left closed but unlocked. By previous instuction the bottom is nude, kneeling on a bed in a cool room, legs spread slightly, head down, arms straight out, flat on the bed and wrists crossed lightly. The pose is similar to a Muslim at prayer or a Yoga practioner in the relaxed puppy posture. I place my gear bag on the bed.

"What's a gear bag?"

"It contains everything needed for a scene."

"Yes but what's in it?"

"Lotsa of stuff."

"Yea but WHAT?"

"Easy V, easy. I'm the top-things progress at my pace. Rule one," I chuckle.

"There are many things in my gear bag and of course evert top's gear bag contains different things. Let me start with the leather toys. First it contains a black leather body harness. It forms a Y over the shoulders front and back. Both end at a large metal O ring front and back. An adjustable two inch leather strap attaches at the O ring and that passes between the labia and ass cheeks. I also have two leather harness' that that attach to the labia/ass strap."

"What are those for B?"

"Those hold any number of things. For example, I have a series of butt and vaginal plugs and dildoes of varying sizes that fit into the harnesses. I can insert them into a bottom's ass or vagina or both simultaneously and once attached to the body harness, they're held in place until I release them. The harnesses are also designed to hold vibrators in place or anything else I may wish to fill you with."

"V...?"

Nearly two minutes pass in silence.

"I'm here B. Just thinking, no actually I'm aroused. Go on...please?"

"Have you ever been spanked V?"

"Um, no."

"The harness is perfect for that V. The strap between your cheeks separates them nicely and creates a nice tension and firmness in your ass. With a plug deep in your ass, the power of my strokes is not only on the surface of the skin, put deep into your body."

"Oh Jesus!"

"The next item is a bit more complex V. It's a leather collar-three inches wide-with three metal rings attached. A wide adjustable strap attaches at the collar and extends down to a wider leather belt that encircles the waist. The descending strap includes a set of fur lined leather cuffs for your wrists. I can place it on you V to immobilize your wrists either in front of you or behind you back and with the adjustable strap, I can pull your wrists high up your back forcing your breasts and nipples up and out."

Her breathing on the phone is labored now.

"Will you put it on me?"

"Indeed, but not until I've stripped you. And V? Once in it, you'll be forced to your knees."

"I'll suck your cock B!"

"No. My cock will be in your mouth, but you'll not be in control. "I'll sodomize your mouth V! I'll pump your mouth as quickly or as slowly as I want. I'll force my penis deep to the back of your throat or just hold it motionless for minutes on end. I contol my own orgasm V and I'll fuck your mouth for over an hour before I decide to plunge deep and force you not to pull away and swallow everything as I climax."

She moans.

Calling V-Part I

The phone is answered before the first ring has ended.

"Hello V, this is B. How are you?"

"Hello B. I, um I'm good. Nervous but good."

"Why are you nervous?"

"I've never done this before. I'm not sure what it is I'm supposed to do.?

"Never done what V? Talk on the phone? For a first timer you're doing pretty well."

She laughs and says: "No, you know, never answered an ad before."

"Why did you answer mine?"

She hesitates momentarily and then says: "Well there was something about your voice, very powerful and very commanding. I've read the Story of O and kept imaging me as O and your voice as the voice of Stephen. I get wet just listening to your phone message."

"Are you wet now V?"

"Yes, I have been thinking about you calling and the anticipation was enough and now that we're really talking..."

"What would you like to talk about V? Are you experienced, have you scened before, are you playing with yourself right now?"

"Yes, I am-what's a scene?"

"V, a scene is when a top and bottom meet and participate in a BDSM session. You know what BDSM is?"

"Yes, I know what BDSM is. What happens in a scene. Can I be in a scene? Can I be in a scene with you B?"

"You didn't answer my question. Are you experienced V? Have you done this before?"

"No." Chuckling" "You're relentless. I haven't done this before, no, but I want to do it with you."

I laugh lightly and tell her I'll need to bring my gear bag.

"What's in a gear bag B?"

"Shall I tell you a scene V? Tell you whats in my gear bag? Would you like that V?"

Yes she tells me and I tell her to settle back, strip and order her to play with herself as I tell her of the first scene I always have with a new bottom.

V

The next number of posts readers will focus on a bottom named V.

I start with her but not because she was my first bottom. Far from that. She was however the first individual to respond in a manner that combined the openly sexual with the power paradigm. Additionally, my relationship with her ended abruptly, unexpectedly and tragically-in part because of my failure to understand both the nature and impact of her bi polar condition and in part her because of her ability to hide the severity of her illness. Sadly, the last conversation I had with her occurred when she was institutionalized, heavily medicated and guarded by care givers 24/7 because of her attempts at suicide. She was inescably caught in (I cannot convey just how total) a state of hopeless and irreversible despair.

I'm at the endgame-let me digress to the beginning.

I posted earlier that her was response was sexual. She responded by saying my voice, its power and cadence and the fantasies it created in her made her wet. She did not demonstrate a specific fetish or desired activity-only that the thought of being in the total control and power of another person aroused her to the point of orgasm. That single sexual approach drew her to me.

She had left a call back number which I responded to. I connected with her machine and left a message that was lengthy, slow, measured in its cadence and one that reflected aurally, the power and control I would place her in. She had a machine that allowed me to record and replay before actually sending the message. I recorded and re-recorded a number of times until I had it right- a message which instilled even in me a sense of power and control. At the end of this message I told her when I would call again and warned her that if we didn't connect at that time-I would move on to others...

I need to update you my readers on the other responses I've received. Aside from the Irish woman, I've also received one call from a woman in W who tells me she is an RN snd needs to be spanked. She sounds intelligent and I arrange to meet with her for lunch at an Indian Restaurant in W. The second call is from a nurse (what is it with nurses?). Her message is that she's not a submissive but is a masochist. Okay then...not sure what to do with her! I keep the number for future reference but pass on calling her back-at least for now.

The next call was from one a bit more mysterious-her message is brief: "What will you do with me?" She leaves a B number. Her machine is brief-again a bit unusual, Hi, this J, tell me what you want me to do." I leave my call back number and ask her to return my call. The fifth is from a man-pound 3 and he's gone.

The last call is intriguing. "Hi this V. I just keep listening to your message. It is brief but so intense. It makes me wet-call me. This last one will be the subject of a longer post in the not to distant future. For now my readers-be patient.

So I've called the Irish woman and arrange to meet her in B for Chinese food at a Kosher restaurant. She actually gives directions to her house and we arrange for me to pick her up at the end of her street on Friday.

The conversation with her is rambling. She is a fan of Marty Robbins and the fact that I know the lyrics to El Paso and can recite "Out in the west Texas town of El Paso, I fell in love with a Mexican maid" has endeared me to her. I'm also given to pause since she seems to have spent her last vacation on a bus visiting his grave site somewhere half way across the country. I also sing-No-strike that I know the lyrics to a "White Sport Coat and A Pink Carnation" and I can tell she warming up to me.

Toward the end of the conversation I get into the role play and take on the persona of the stern school master and berate her about her poor grades and lack of behavior at school. I'm amazed at how quickly I can get into the role but more amazed at her response. She really becomes quite child like, begging for another chance to do better. Without thinking about it I'm into alternatives-"I need to speak with your mother"-which starts her wailing and crying. I settle with perhaps a spanking across her BUTT TOCKS should teach her a lesson and perhaps this time I won't call her father or mother if she agrees to a thorough spanking.

I am amazed by the transformation. In her she has become totally child like-in me I'm struggling to stop from bursting out in laughter while at the same time I'm on a roll I can't, nor do I want to end, and am totally swept up into the character I've become. I arrange to call her the next evening and already sense I will get into the advance details of the spanking I'm going to administer to her. I also know intuitively she will be aroused by the details and will no doubt masturbate during or right after the next call. I'm beginning to think I might have a real knack at this top/dom thing.

//

I did not post this immediately after drafting. The site is not working correctly and that failure allowed me distance to reflect. I apologize to you dear reader for not capturing the intensity of the conversation. That aside I've come to some realizations after some analysis:
1. I understand, intuitively, this BDSM thing and the role of a top.
2. I recognize how easy it is to get swept up into the top role and recognize the need to always know where you and where your bottom are at all times.
3. The top bears all the responsibility.
4. This is as much about me and as much as it is about the bottom-maybe more about the bottom.
5. The mind is one powerful organ and I continue to under estimate its role.
6. This is fun and erotic as hell.
7. I know, again intuitively, that I can and will meld the physical with the psychological.

So I have received a number of responses. I'll go through all of them, but the first is from an Irish woman. She claims to be in her early 50's with a heavy brogue. She tells me in her message that she works for 2 physicians in N while she lives in B. Her fantasy is based upon humiliation scenes. She wants to be spanked-fully clothed and needs to chastized verbally. She actually leaves 3 messages-most of her time is spent on explaining about her bad grades or her misbehavior in school. She actually creates in the little time allowed detailed scenes and asks if I could fill in her grades and write up her behavior report.

It starts me thinking about humiliation and role playing. The role playing I love. It is after all about theater. I can't help to think however that humiliation is akin to degradation

Could it be that somehere along the line while I was holding on to safe, sane and consensual as the only things that mattered, I let slip self-respect?

Outsiders would find it hard to understand how BDSM can have anything to do with self-respect. The shocking thing (especially where female submission is concerned) for many is the idea that the sub wants to be spanked, flogged, led around on a lead or whatever. Yet, it seems that even within the ‘scene’ a little variation from the typical BDSM activities brings howls of protest. You want to do a ‘rape’ scene – no, you can’t and *it doesn’t even matter if the woman has consented to it (preferably planned it in some detail too)*. The same is now true of humiliation – no, you can’t do it, even if you enjoy being humiliated.

I find that the humiliation debate has a lot in common with the rape debate. Once again, we are dealing with smoke and mirrors. Rape is a horrific crime and bears no relation to the ‘rape’ scenes that go on as part of BDSM. Humiliation in terms of putting someone down and making them hate themselves is bullying and is nothing to do with the consensual humiliation that goes on in a scene. It is back to the same old problem – you expect everyone to accept that hitting your partner with a flogger isn’t domestic violence, but you go crazy if someone wants to call their lover a slut? You negotiated the flogging, why do you assume they have not negotiated the name-calling?

I have had little experience in humiliation. I am ambivalent about it. It took a long time to get into because I was always careful to check where my subs limits were and sometimes she took to it more than other times. I have often worried that BDSM might negatively affect her self-esteem but the combined effect of observing her after BDSM and giving her a great deal of love, care and affection have convinced me that I shouldn’t worry.

However, pick up ‘Screw the Roses’ and you find Molly Devon saying how terrible it is that a man would want to call a woman a slut. Great one Molly, strike one up for tolerance of other people’s tastes! Some people like that – men are supposed to like being insulted more than women but I wonder sometimes if that is a reluctance on the part of women to admit it.

Possibly, like with rape, it is playing with a very sensitive part of the mind.

Some people like humiliation. It is different to the humiliation you see every day in the supermarket or the pub and the key is self-esteem. People who enjoy humiliation find it sexually exciting and therefore build their self-esteem through it (sex is a good thing, right?). There really does need to be a point where instead of turning on the things that other people do that we don’t understand, we start looking at their motives for doing them.

Well, listen up – people play kinky games they are good if they are safe, if they are sane and if they are consensual. If you do these things out of love and self-respect for yourself and your partner then everything else is detail. Chains, ropes, cross-dressing, peeing, flogging, partly-clothed, rough, any orifice used, rape play, humiliation, electric toys … it is all just detail.

What we have in common is the love we have for our partners and ourselves, we all express it differently.