Wednesday, July 19, 2017


It wasn't me kissing him goodbye, it was my husband kissing me goodbye. He was off to play golf with his friends. It left me home alone with my own plans. 
His car wasn't fully out of the driveway before I was headed upstairs to get out of my clothes. All expect for my blue hip cut panties.  The idea had been in my head for days. Ever since you planted it. 

Standing in the tub I played with my tits and rubbed my pussy and clit through my panties. As I played with myself I waited for the courage and the need to arrive. When I did start to pee, the urine not only soaked the crotch of my panties, but my legs and feet as well. Once the flow ended my mind kicked in and said, 'okay, you know what you have to do now'.

They dripped as I brought them to my mouth. Acting more like a sponge than a gag, i stuffed the wet crotch fully into my mouth. The taste of the salty urine filled my mouth as I sucked it in. Stepping out of the tub and to the sink, I looked at myself in the mirror. Standing there looking at my reflection a odd sad feeling came over me. There was a real sense of being pathetic. There was no real excitement. No thrill, Just me standing there looking at myself while I drank my piss out of my panties. 

Then my brain kicked in again. "Now what are you going to do?''. Then my brain followed up the question with a statement, "You are going to stand here looking at yourself and masturbate."

It's not easy to stand and masturbate. It's really not easy looking at yourself in the mirror with urine soaked panties in your mouth. But that is exactly what I did. It took a long time, maybe twenty minutes. I would get close to coming, and then it would fade away with the distraction of the image before me. Avoiding my flection until just before coming. It was only then, as I was coming that I let my eyes meet my eyes. 

I knew I wanted to do this. It turned out to be harder than I expected. Not sure what I expected, but it was harder than I thought. Both the standing and the imaging made it so. 

You are beyond being seduced by other than your own psyche. How many women of your age are still drawn by the need? Precious few...

More body fat? The sadist sees more breast flesh to bind. The sadist sees nerves that run deeper and can withstand more pain. The more corpulent the flesh the more to humiliate as exercise can't stem your lipid onslaught. Urine soaked panties are such an effective gag...

Think of Hesse's broken mirror-what I see and you view are so opposed. Such is the yin and yang of our pas de deux.


It's been a life time of accumulated marks. The guilt and frustrations of his schooling. Lost loves. Including a lesbian playmate lost to a well known rigger and sadist. There has been a very successful legal career that suited your alpha male personality to a tee. Age has shown its face on you. Your erection is slow to grow, but is equally slow to leave. Yet still it's there. Deep within you that need. That need to control. That need to exert your will on another. Just the thought of it causes a stir in your pants. 

My life too has left it's marks. Imprinted all of my faults and shortcomings into the twisted mess of my sexuality. The questions of why have long been replaced with acceptance. No longer to I try to understand why humiliation, objectification, and pain make me wet. Just a simple word, "sadist'' triggers a response in myself. Thinking about others witnessing the dismantling of myself also triggers that reaction. Age has shown its face on me as well. My skin tone is not what it once was. My bra cup went from a life long 'c' to 'd'not because my tits have gotten any bigger, but because there is more body fat. Even my panties have shown my age. The white crusty stains that were once common place have been replace more often now with urine stains from leaks that happen during the day. Yet still the need is there. 

The need to seduced into betraying my husband, my family, and my friends to satisfy my twisted needs. 


Since we exchanged messages I have been thinking about the 'what if's'. I know I would have your marks. I know I would have to explain them. Why does that turn me on so?


It's been on my mind for a long while. Okay ages. And I know it isn't going to happen, it stays in my mind. Fodder for my masturbation. 

You are only of a few I know that is aware of PD and Insex. That is the fodder; the sadist and others watching.

You and your site have been the closest to making it happen. Scening at CS is a distant second. 

Just writing this make my cunt feel alive.



I pulled my feet up on the seat and leaned into him, my arms wrapped around on of his, my eyes closed. I rested my head on his shoulder. I felt completely safe. Some people say that this is sympathizing with the abuser. I disagree. He knew what I wanted.

We got to Grand Central and I trailed a step behind him as we made our way down an empty platform that was scheduled neither for arrivals nor departures. We walked to a stairwell in the back that led down to the tunnel that leads from platform to platform.

In no more than a moment, he had me thrust against the wall once more, his hand around my throat. When I asked him what would happen if someone caught us, he told me that they would see me for the whore that I was. And that was answer enough for me.

He leaned in and bit my neck, hard. He held fast as I squirmed beneath his weight, compulsively trying to push him off. I moaned and gasped, my muscles tightening and relaxing, not knowing which would get him off of me. And I loved it. I closed my eyes and bit my lip, trying to keep from screaming.

He bit me so hard that he drew blood as I desperately moaned his name, my hands pushing against his chest. I had thought, perhaps, that it would make me more real to him, make him sympathize and stop. I think it made him hurt me worse. And god, it was good. He leaned his head back, still pressed into me. He dug his thumb into the wound on my neck and stretched his fingers their entire length across my throat.

He held me so hard that I thought I'd never breath again. It was all I could do to keep from screaming. Grabbing my nipple with his left hand, he twisted it, sending a sharp pain rocketing down my spine. I collapsed again, but he held me against the wall. His hand around my throat was, perhaps, all that saved me from toppling onto the tracks.

"Do you want it to stop?" he asked. A trick question. My body would have done anything to have it over with. But my mind, god, my mind. It was all I wanted, all I needed. He knew it, and he took advantage of it. I shook my head, somewhat ashamed. He thrust against me harder, yanked on my nipple, and pressed his thumb harder.

I squealed loudly, my entire body shaking beneath him. Pressing against him, I turned my head, trying to get away. "Don't move." This was an order.

And, lord, did I abide. I froze, my head turned away from his, looking, again, at the ground. I couldn't tell if my feet were on the ground. I couldn't tell which way was up. I couldn't breath. There were intense, multicolored stabs of pain invading my body, webbing their way throughout my veins. And I came. I came harder than I knew I could. It took a moment for him to let up.

But he did, and I fell to the ground. My legs bent beneath me and splayed out to the sides, my arms dangled limp beside me. My head hung, my hair a mess on my face. I breathed, what I thought was breathing. All I could do, then, anyway. And he laughed. He laughed the most perfect, degrading laugh.

I whimpered. I cried, I was crying. I didn't know when I had started to cry, but from how wet my face and hair was, it had been a while. He grabbed my arm and wrenched me up from the ground. A little reminder, one more stab of pain.

"Good slut," he said. And he hugged me and straightened out my hair and face so no one would look twice. Then he took me to my train and leaned down, kissing me on my forehead. He stood waving as it pulled away.

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

dssallie redux

Hello dear readers,

dssallie approached me yesterday and asked if we might renew our cyber pas de deux?

We parted sometime ago because she failed three times in answering truthfully one single question. 

I am conflicted by her request so I'll pose the question to you and ask your opinion by asking you to vote.  You may also share your opinion and ask any questions as well.

The polls are open.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Dss bows her head-tears slowly running down her cheeks.  “Save the crocodiles tears sallie. Soon you’ll have real reasons to cry,”
I bring out my newest gear bag.  “I’ve gotten some special items dss- specifically gathered with you in mind. Lemme see what we have here.”
dss’ eyes lock on my hands as they disappear into the bag.  “Oh look-sterile needles!” Her shoulders sag. “No dss-not tonight-no needle play-I have other plans for you this evening.”

 In quick order I with draw a multi channel Tens unit-electrode wires-an insert able butt plug electrode-an insert able G spot electrode-eroscillator-battery operated tooth brush-dental floss-rubber bands-clover leaf clamps-tape-a two quart bottle of viscous yellowish liquid, a catheter and a large piece of circular purple plastic.

“Eyes up cunt!” Silently I exhibit each item to her-eyes widening at the Tens. “The Tens can be an insidious device-with fresh batteries it can mildly tickle or immediately cripple you with pain.  Tonight we’ll skip the pain.”
I grasp the belt, drag her to her feet and lead her into the bathroom. I bind her wrists to the shower head. I slide a heavy rubber band high onto to each thigh. With the clover leaf clamps attached to each of her labia and held in place by the bands, her clit is both engorged and fully exposed.  I take control of her clit with forceps, quickly tie it off with dental floss as it swells and glistens with her lubrication. I plunge three fingers into her cunt and marvel at her wetness. The room is redolent with the smell of her sex as I smear her lips and nostrils with her cunt juice on my fingers.

“The insert able electrodes contain flanges dss. Once inserted, they’re self-retaining. The Tens has multiple controls-not just intensity but also sine-wave length and amplitude.  I am going to keep the intensity below the pain level but will set sine and wave length to induce involuntary muscle contractions.  You will literally be fucking yourself. It’ll be a hoot to watch and record.  With a little luck, the recording will go viral on the internet.”

I insert the anal plug in her cunt first to lube it. Without hesitation I plunge it into her anus as she moans. I follow with the g spot insert able. I whisper in her ear: “You’ll suck them clean when we’re through here.”  I attach the electrodes and tell her “We’re good to go as far as the electrodes go-but I have so much more in mind for you tonight.”

Monday, May 19, 2014


The room has several cameras in it. Each recording from a different angle. You are sitting in a chair, fully clothed. I am nude laying on the floor in front of you. The only man made thing I have on is the belt that is around my neck. You are holding the free end. 

Looking down at me you tell me to spread my legs wider and instruct me to start playing with my pussy. You ask if Charles, my husband, makes me do this. I tell you he doesn't. "Ah that's right, you are only a slut for other men. Isn't that right?". I tell you, you are right. As the questions continue about my marriage and my sexuality you tell me to use my other hand on my tits and nipples. As I do I find it increasingly hard to breath as you tighten the loop around my neck.

As ask me if I know the videos from these cameras will be posted on your blog for all to see, including my husband if he would take the time to investigate. Again I tell you I understand that. You ask me my age, "58" I reply. You comment on my rolls of skin around my waist, my flabby arms, sagging tits, and double chin.  You ask if i think I think men come to your blog to see me. I say that I think they do. You laugh and inform me they don't. "They come to see cunts abused. You are nothing but a cunt. Now come for me."

As my fingers bring me closer and closer to my orgasm my eyes begin to roll back and the last thing I am aware of before passing out is your comment about marks being left on my neck.


You're motionless momentarily and then begin to flop about like a hooked trout in the bottom of a boat. Your vagus nerve kicks in as you gasp for air. You look up at me, totally disoriented and then tears well up in your eyes-your lips moving but not forming words. 

"What's the matter cunt? You can't even orgasm correctly! .Tell me dss, does your husband make you climax or do you fake your orgasms to make him think he's the adequate lover that he isn't?" I chuckle and then go on: "What do you think about when you masturbate? Wait...let me think. Total degradation.  Being gang fucked in all you holes, over and over until the cum flows out of your cunt and ass and drips from your nostrils? Or maybe you dream of being a toilet slave?"

I rise from the chair and go to the video monitor. "Watch your self cunt. See how your eyes close as you masturbate? I'm recording all of this dss. Even a crack whore in a sex tape knows enough to maintain eye contact with the camera as she sucks cock. It is called POV. When your husband watches this, I want him to stare into your eyes on the screen as the tears run down his cheeks from your betrayal."

"You know dss, you live in fear.  You're afraid your husband will find out about your secrets. Fearful that he'll know he's a cuckold. Afraid that he'll know while your blowing him you're thinking about me. You're even afraid of being unable to handle even the modicum of pain I might administer. You're terrified he'll see this tape." 

Friday, February 21, 2014

From A New Admirer...

I was clothed in a navy blue suit. It looked like it had been tailored to fit me. He was a little older than I was, which made a perfect authority figure. I finally looked up into his marble green eyes after a few moments. He looked back down at me, mirroring my own interest. I was flattered and blushed a little.He did not speak, just ushered me into the lavish suite. I entered demurely. He walked over to the table and opened a bottle of champagne. “Welcome. I am glad you came,” he said, pouring two glasses of the effervescent liquid. “My pleasure, um, what should I call you?” He smiled slowly. “Well, you know my name, but you will call me Sir.”“Yes Sir,” I replied meekly. I noticed that Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata was playing in the background. I tried to recall if I had told him that it was one of my favorites as I sipped from the elegant glass. He looked at me again, and I felt as though he could see my soul. His eyes narrowed. “Strip,” he commanded. I put down the glass and started to remove my shoes. He watched as I took them off slowly. I felt subconscious and shy. “Move with haste. I expect you to obey quickly.”“Yes Sir,” I said, quickly removing each garment. I felt my skin tingle in the cool air as I stood there naked. He moved closer to me, sometimes lifting an arm or my hair as if he was examining me. He nodded and sipped from his glass. It felt like an eternity that I stood there in front of this commanding man. At last, he spoke again. “Alright, now you know that you can back out. But I am not giving you a safe word or anything like that. If you think anything is going to be too much for you, redress and walk out the door. Otherwise, you have been teasing me too long over the internet. It is time I punish you for all the days you frustrated me.”I gulped. Nervous tension filled my body. I was excited and scared, but intrigued. He grabbed a Victorian style chair and placed it in the center of the room when he realized I was not moving for the door. Then he walked over to me again, and grabbed the back of my neck roughly. The sudden movement through me off balance. He led me that way to the chair, which was only a few feet away, though it felt like more.“Spread your legs to straddle the chair, and lean over the back of it as much as you can,” he barked. I jumped to obey. I realized that the odd position was so I could not easily close my legs. We had talked about that before. I leaned over as much as I could but felt awkward. My breasts were smashed into the velvet back of the chair. I could feel the air hit my already moist cunt. I sighed in anticipation. I heard the tinkling of a belt buckle and knew what came next. There would be no warm up for me. I tensed and waited for the first blow. He took his time about it, and I heard him swallow deeply. Must be the champagne I thought. I heard the swish of the strap, but it did not fall on me. I tensed as if it had though. He laughed menacingly. I heard the swish again then a sharp ‘smack’ as it landed right in the center of my bum.I yelped in surprise, even though I expected it. He let it fall again and again, and soon I was heated. I could feel the juice from my pussy dripping down my inner thigh. I could feel my tender flesh bruising under the strap. He moved to work on my thighs, causing welts to form. I was moaning and rocking on the chair under his unmerciful strap. Abruptly he stopped, and dragged me off the chair onto the floor. He sat on the bed, and told me to stand. I scarcely heard him. He spun me around so that I was facing away from him. Then he pulled me onto his lap, wrapping my legs around him, bending me forward. I could feel the tailored slacks under my heated body. The rough material aroused me further. He pulled hard on my right nipple, eliciting a moan from my lips. He grabbed a handful of my red hair and yanked my neck back. It was then I noticed the mirror. Oh no! He was going to make me watch and see my face. I flushed with shame and squirmed accidentally. “Now you know better than that,” he growled and smacked my ass once. I yelped in response. I felt his fingers pry open my tight anus, exploring the very inner ring. I tried not to squirm but it was nearly impossible. Under his expert touch I felt I might come at any moment, and I did not want to anger him. I saw him smirk when I looked at his image. He withdrew his two fingers and spread my legs a little further. I felt the air caress me, and wondered what I looked like to him spread so. “Aw, look at that. You got your pussy juice all over my suit. I will have to punish it for that,” he sneered. Electric chills filled me. He popped my shaved cunt several times, quickly making me squirm. My face was blotched and red in the mirror. I panted heavily and he started again, making my body quake. I moaned in pleasure and pain as he beat me. He stopped and grabbed the nearby belt, folding it twice in half. He resumed holding me by the hair, and beat my ass and pussy with the folded leather. I was crying now. Lost in the sweet pain and pleasure an orgasm rocked my body. I saw the anger come over him. “Did I tell you to come? Answer me you fucking cunt. Did I tell you to come?”“No Sir,” I cried. “I’m sorry.”“You will be,” he threatened. He shoved me hard onto the floor. “Stand up and put your hands behind your neck,” he said coldly. I scrambled to obey. At least I could not see the mirror anymore. He kicked my legs apart and I stumbled, but quickly regained my posture. He took the belt again in his hands. He snapped it a few times in the air before striking my breast. Fresh tears flowed from my eyes. He smacked each breast in turn, making my whole body shake. He hit each one ten times then smacked my cunt with three full-blown hits. I screamed as each blow fell, feeling his complete control. He tossed the belt to the side and studied me again. I looked down at the floor, seeing my red splotchy body through my wet eyelashes. “On your knees,” he demanded.I fell to the floor, feeling the plush carpet under my heated skin. He unzipped his slacks and pulled his cock from his maroon boxers. It was wide, five inches around. He shoved it into my mouth, making me gag. I slurped at it, tasting his salty sweet precum. He pulled out and pointed to the bed. Not quite understanding I walked toward it. He pushed onto it, face first. “Ass in the air,” he instructed. I complied and felt him slide into my dripping pussy.The need to release had gripped us both. My tight walls clenched his throbbing member, making us both come in a few short strokes. We both relaxed, him still laying over me. Without a word we both moved. “You ok?” he asked. I nodded and picked up my glass again, feeling greatly relieved. “Well, that was a nice start,” I said. He nodded and grinned at me. Yes, I was glad I had taken this chance.

More V

"Take a deep breath V, exhale completely, force all the air out of your lungs, take one more deep deep breath and then let it out slowly."

She takes a cleansing breath, one more and then as she is slowly exhaling, I gently forge ahead with the plug. As the widest part slides past her sphincter, she groans and sucks the rest of the anal plug into her ass til it stops at the barrier that prevents it from being lost totally into her rectum.

Her breathing is coming now in great gulping gasps of air. I pick up the elk flogger and caress her back softly with the straps. She pauses, her breathing frozen while all her senses focus on the leather caressing her back bone. I move the light whip down to dance over her cheeks.

"You need to breath V! Relax, I have all the control-go with it."

Monday, December 16, 2013

In response to your question as to where am I and dss...she has chosen to go in a direction that does not include me. Needless to say I had great hope for us and I am disappointed.

Friday, May 18, 2012

I step back and survey the scene.

"Shall I remove the hood?


"Good. I need to take some pictures. Full facials will do nicely. Good for posting them on the blogsite. I'll need to send a set to your cuckhold husband."

"God nooooo!"

"Leave the hood on then?"

A whisper-"Yes."

I grab my bag. "You know, I deserve better accomodations than this rat hole. We're going to move dss."

I free her legs from the chair. Straps are applied at her ankles then I pause. "Do you need to urinate?"


"You have a choice. Hold it or I'll catheterize you. You should know if you select the catheter, the other end will be taped in your mouth, This is the era of recycling." I chuckle as her shoulders sag. "Ok, hold it."

I tighten the ankle strap tighter, Another strap is applied at her calves and a third at her knees.  I free her hands from the chair and immediately cuff hers hands behind her back. I run a rope from her collar, through the cinch at her knees and pull her head down in a ftrontal hog tie to her knees.

"Don't go anywhere."

I leave, remove a large wheeled suitcase from the car and return to the room and find dss squirming and mewing. Before I can speak she utters a sigh of disgust and remorse as urine puddles around her feet.